Jerry's Thoughts, Musings, and Rants!

A Dante Update

It seems hard to believe that it has been almost three weeks since I brought Dante home from the shelter. He has settled into the household routine far bettern than any other cat we have rescued.

Victor hid under the bed in the spare room for a week.

Beckett hid under the stairs in the basement for a week.

Dante hasn't hid anywhere that we are aware of.

One of the reasons why we wanted to get a second cat was the Beckett has seemed so lonely. When we got home from work we were often met by him at the door. The amount of attention he needed after a day of being alone in the house was actually sad.

We were worried about how they would get along.

It seems as if that worry was wasted. There have been relatively few scraps!

As Dante has become more comfortable some of his quirks are coming out:

He doesn't eat or drink like any other cat we've had. Instead he lays one paw on either side of the dish and just sticks his face right into the bowl. I don't know if this is because he has eaten and drunk while cooped up in a cage for the past few months or what but it is bizarre to see.

He LOVES toilet paper.

Which explains the mystery of the white bits of paper we found throughout the house.

He also can be quite a lap cat when he is in the mood for attention.

So, to answer the question, he has become quite an important member of the family in a few short weeks.

Happy Birthday Sesame Street

It is a big day today!

Sesame Street, the beloved show that has helped millions of children learn numbers, colours, and important life lessons over the years turns 40.

By all accounts it has been quite a party. it's been quite a celebration. They've gotten a street named after them and Google has been doing cute Sesame Street artwork on their homepage. A far cry from getting drunk and vomiting for two days like someone who shall remain nameless did on HIS 40th birthday! Apparently PBS has more dignity.

Perhaps not all do on this happy day, however. I read in the paper today that Conservative types (AKA some of my FAVOURITE people (to despise)) have their long johns in a twist over a two year-old Sesame Street episode where they seem to call Fox news trash.

Listen for yourself:

Dear lord - what will conservative types be angered about NEXT?

Posters on Big Hollywood, a blog from Breitbart, were outraged. "PBS - a network partially funded with my tax dollars - has the right to tell my kids that their parents watch "trashy" news?" said someone called Stage Right, according to the Daily News. "The message is clear, I can't even sit my kids in front of Sesame Street without having to worry about the Left attempting to undermine my authority." Yes. Crystal clear. You've really read those tea leaves, Nostradamus.

PBS = accurate and intelligent satire

Irate Conservatives upset over trash news comment = stupid

Fox News = TRASH

There. Move to you corner of the sand box and get over things you silly nitwits.

(in case you didn't know where I stood on this ISSUE. OF. GREAT. IMPORT.)

Crazy News

We haven't had any crazy news here on the blog for awhile. I read this story on the plane home tonight. I must admit that after a tiring week it sure made me laugh!

SKorean woman passes driver's exam on 950th try

The Associated Press

SEOUL, South Korea - A woman in South Korea who tried to pass the written exam for a driver's license with near-daily attempts since April 2005 has finally succeeded on her 950th time.

The aspiring driver spent more than 5 million won ($4,200) in application fees, but until now had failed to score the minimum 60 out of a possible 100 points needed to get behind the wheel for a driving test.

Cha Sa-soon, 68, finally passed the written exam with a score of 60 on Wednesday, said Choi Young-chul, a police official at the drivers' license agency in Jeonju, 130 miles (210 kilometers) south of Seoul.

Police said Cha took the test hundreds of times, but had no specific total. Local media said she took the test 950 times.

Now she must pass a driving test before getting her license, Choi said.

Repeated calls to Cha seeking comment went unanswered. She told the Korea Times newspaper she needed the license for her vegetable-selling business.

Tell me . . . do you want to be on the road with this lady? ARGH
 

Favourite Sesame Street Songs?

One, two, three, FOUR, five, six ... oh, forget it. Forty. That's how old Sesame Street turns on Tuesday, Nov. 10. The first episode aired in 1969. The ur-children's show has since been exported to 120 countries. Which raises the question: Which 75 other countries have withstood Elmo's impish appeal?

To honour the anniversary, visitors to the Google homepage www.google.ca in Canada, France and Britain were greeted Thursday by the Cookie Monster spewing crumbs onto their search query.

Sesame Street has given us so much: love, sharing and that overwhelming feeling of paranoia that dogs Big Bird every time Mr. Snuffleupagus wanders off just as the Count is wandering in.

Most of us remember Sesame Street through the childish medium of singalong. Here are a few favourites:

1) C is for Cookie: This isn't exactly rocket science. Or maybe it's the most zen thing ever broadcast - this side of a Richard Gere retrospective.

2) Manamana: If you need to fully concentrate any time in the next week, do not watch this. Better stop thinking about it if you ... oh ... too late.

3) 12: Reciting this song with the proper intonations should be one of the tests of Canadian citizenship. Because who can really remember all 11 provincial capitals.

4) Ernie Can't Sleep: Okay, technically not a song. More like spoken word. But the whole thing is working on more allegorical levels than The Illiad.

5) I Love Trash: Trash is one thing. But those sideburns. Very difficult to tolerate. Forget love.

6) 1, 2, 3, 4: Canadian singer Feist is so cool, she's almost too cool, which is uncool. Yes, my head hurts, too. Whatever. This song is awesome.

7) Rubber Ducky: My God, this song is worse than Fire and Rain or Flyin' Shoes. Anyone over 40 who listens be forewarned of tear-inducing bouts of nostalgia.

Things that Should Only be Done in Private!

I've mentioned many times about the joys of the daily commute into the city and work. It is normally just fine - a relaxing time to read a book, send e-mail, gossip with colleagues, or contemplate the stupidity of those Canadians who vote for Stephen Harper. I contemplate away and before you know it, we are pulling into Toronto.

Sometimes the same trip is just a nightmare. These are the times when you are on the train with a VERY. ANNOYING. INDIVIDUAL. There are few things worse than being in an enclosed space with a stranger who is misbehaving. It is bad enough when those you love or even like misbehave but to have to tolerate a complete stranger acting badly is just too much.

Of course you're stuck and there is little to do besides tolerate it. Mind you, the need for toleration is made far easier to cope with by the evil thoughts of some sort of appropriate comeuppance streaking through your brain. A well developed fantasy world is healthy.

Or you could do what my colleague did this afternoon and send e-mails:

This was her VERY. ANNOYING. INDIVIDUAL. . .

The woman across from me in the 4-some is trying to decide which ring tone she likes for her cell phone - by playing all of them one at a time - I may scream.  Other people are giving her death stares too.  Something to be done in a private, not public space.

This is clearly behaviour that is to be undertaken in private and not on a crowded train full of tired folks who have worked all day and just want to get home.

My colleague, known for her rapier whit, then started to compose an extensive list of behaviours that are not to be undertaken in public on the train. Now THIS was fun! It was a joy to brainstorm things that we have seen on the train that must never be done there . . . in the privacy of your home? . . . knock yourself out. On the crowded 4:30 GO Train? . . . NEVER!

Things to be done only in private:

• ring tone selection (as a result of the foolish woman from tonight's train. This is one we never saw coming - who knew?)
• allowing gas to escape your body in any form. Generally one can control this. No one wishes to smell or hear these explosions. They do NOT belong on a crowded train (which is why I NEVER sit near the toilet compartment but that is another unfortunate tale).
• sex (do not even ask about this one).
• displays of affection of all kind. No, we are not prudes. We understand that humans have a basic need for affection. There are lots of ways to show affection and a place for all of 'em. Make out sessions where one person has their tongue down their 'friend's' throat do not belong on the train. Hell, I am not sure I want to see hand holding, but at least that is discrete.
• eating crunchy vegetables. We had an unfortunate experience with a woman loudly crunching carrots for 45 minutes. After 15 minutes I was ready to grab the carrots out of her hands and stomp them into bits. Fruit and vegetables are wonderful - please enjoy them quietly.
• adjusting of undergarments.
• The scratching, adjusting, gropping, fonddling, or repositioning of any body part normally encased in said undergarments.
• urination (again, please do not ask)
• discussion of personal physical issues. We once listened to a woman complaining to a friend about certain female issues that have no place on a sweet family blog like mine. These issues had no place being discussed on the train where 45 people could overhear.
• fighting with your children while on your cell phone.
• fighting with spouse while on your cell phone.
• hell - fighting with anyone on the cell phone. I once overheard the most horrific dressing down of a co-worker by a guy sitting beside me. By the time he was finished he knew that he had gone too far by the looks of astonishment and disgust that all around were giving him.
• nose picking.
• investigating the contents of a kleenex after it has been used for its intended purpose.
• skin and hair grooming of any sort. I promise not to tell you what I saw a man with very flaky skin do once. Imagine the worse. I will promise that it was more horrific than anything a normal person might imagine.
• swearing. Do not feel the need to share your 'blue' vocabulary with me. I bet I could out swear you with my hands tied behind my back. I know that there is a time and a place for it - the train isn't it!

So what commuting activities have you witnessed that should more rightly be done in private?

The Sneeze Sleeve

The second wave of H1N1 is upon us.

The media would have us gather our family and hide in the basement with the hysteria they are promoting. No doubt some folk are.

We have all seen ads like this on TV:

Well. I don't much care for the damn sleeve sneeze! The other day I had a cold. I sneezed into my sleeve and almost threw up when I saw what was deposited there. (EWWWWWWWWW). I did the world a favour and changed my shirt.

Wouldn't you know I sneezed again!

That shirt also had to go.

In the end I changed my shirt FOUR times before I gave up.

I get not sneezing into my hand. Can't I go back to my kleenex? I don't think I can afford the dry cleaning charges!

Fall is here!

It was a shock to the system to get off of the plane in Toronto last week. We were used to 30 degrees and sun after being in Greece for two weeks. The weather back home was decidedly more cool and crisp.

On Sunday Paul and I went for a walk, this is what we saw . . .

 

It's time to back away the shorts and t-shirts for another year. *sigh*

I'm Sick . . .

Blech

I feel sick. It hit me this afternoon as I suffered through my 5th 1/2 day meeting in the past three days.

I have not slept through the night since I've returned from Greece. I have been awake most mornings at 4:30.

Since I have been home the cold has gotten worse.

It is not even 8 and I can barely keep my eyes opened.

I am going to bed to take care of myself.

Regular programming will resume shortly.

The Young Gordon Ramsay

Unless you've been hiding under a rock you've likely heard of Gordon Ramsey. For those of you who haven't he is a chef, television personality and restaurateur. Ramsay is known for presenting TV programmes about competitive cookery and food, such as Hell's Kitchen, The F Word and Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares.

A company in the UK has put together an ad campaign that depicts the Ramsay that many know and love/loath as he might have been as a lad. . . 

Ramsay's reputation is built upon his goal of culinary perfection. Since the airing of Boiling Point which followed Ramsay's quest of earning three Michelin stars, the chef has also become infamous for his fiery temperament and use of expletives. Now we know how it all began! *smile*

More Stupid People

Yet again I am amazed at the every present capacity of people to commit activities that are so boneheadedly stupid that one is left shaking one's head in dismay.

You may have caught this story today:

A nicely dressed couple appeared on a Dr Phil show (no . . . a quack doctor having a show isn't the stupid thing here - although it could be!) and said they had roamed several states as shoplifters, stealing mostly toys, selling them on the Internet and making as much as $1 million (U.S.) over seven years.

"I'm no lawyer or a cop," said show host Phil McGraw, incredulously, "but isn't that a federal crime?"

The wife paused, then said, "Yeah, it is."

Hellooooooo?

How can you be so foolish?

Yes, shoplifting is a crime. Now I'll admit to a youthful indiscretion or two - what normal, well adjusted child hasn't lifted a chocolate bar or two . . . and been caught . . . and paid for it! 'Tis a rite of passage.

Criss crossing states, stealing what apparently had to have been tractor trailers worth of toys, selling them on eBay, making close to $ 1 million takes it to an entirely new level. That is the grand king of all indiscretions!

Then to pop on national TV to admit your crime spree is so foolish that I was convinced it was a lie.

One one could be that goofy.

Could they be?

Sadly it is true.

The indictment, for moving stolen goods across state lines, says the Eatons sold more than $100,000 worth of stolen goods using eBay and PayPal over a 12-month period – a crime prosecutors call "e-fencing."

More than 500 boxes of toys and other items were carted off when investigators from the San Diego Regional Fraud Task Force raided the couple's suburban home in San Marcos, Calif.

The Eatons had approached the Dr. Phil show with the offer to tell their story.

Yes. It is real.

Sadly, it gets worse.

Apparently for these silly folks, crime is a family affair. If you're going to rip off the Wal-Mart be sure to bring your toddlers with you . . .

Yet again I might be well on my way to being convinced that those wanting to be parents should have to pass a stringent examination prior to being allowed to breed.

The toddlers, they said on the video, are good decoys.

"Sometimes we just kind of go in together as a nice little family to make it seem like we're normal people, and we don't look like the kind of people that steal," Matthew Eaton said.

Hmmm. No wonder we're going to hell in a hand cart!