Jerry's Thoughts, Musings, and Rants!

Stranded on the I-90

Last Thursday I picked Paul up from work at 3:30 and we headed out for our annual shopping trip to Erie, PA - the land of no sales tax on shoes and clothing. Generally Erie is about a 2 1/2 hour drive for us. We were planning on checking into our hotel, heading out to our favourite dive of a Mexican restaurant for dinner, and having a good night's sleep before a trip to the big outlet mall south of Erie on Friday.

Cue the soundtrack to Gilligan's Island . . . .

Before we had set out we had checked the weather network - yes, a small amount of snow was predicted but nothing out of the ordinary. We're from Canada - we're used to driving in the snow. Off we went.

We popped into the duty free to pick up some cheap vodka, rum, and Paul's favourite fruit and nut cadbury chocolate (because every one knows kids want fruit in their chocolate!) We heard some truckers talking about a delay on the I-90.

This would be foreshadowing for those of you with a good, quality public education!

Crossing into the US was a bit more invasive than usual - the guard actually searched our luggage. A first. Either she was bored or we looked like smugglers. Silly woman - the smuggling takes place on the way HOME!

A few flakes were falling now. It was enough to cause some crazed van driver to abandon their vehicle in the centre lane of the highway. This act of stupidity delayed us for a good 45 minutes. We amused ourselves by thinking up ways to puinsh the silly driver.

When we got onto the I-90 traffic ground to a complete stop. Flipping around on the radio we heard about an accident on the other side of the highway that had closed all lanes. Apparently folks on our side of the highway were so engrossed in accident that they forgot how to put their cars into drive and move. We were at a standstill.

We amused ourselves by making fun of Stephen Harper and the idiotic policies of Canada's Neanderthal Conservative government.

Two hours later, still not done thinking of ways to critique the government, we started to move again. Rather fitfully we thought but we were moving.

Snow was blowing about a bit but there was nothing worrisome about it. Heck, we were still in a good spot to make Erie and the Mexican restaurant in somewhat of a decent time.

In snowy weather we have no need to pretend we are driving in a race. We Canadians know that the place to be is in a convoy of traffic . . . driving slowly and steadily. Yes folks, there is a reason why the tortis won the race.

Cars and trucks who defied this well-proved logic were later passed as they lay stuck in the ditch. I should have had sympathy for their plight but guess what - I didn't! Not one bit.

We were making relatively good progress with this until we came to a complete stop.

Minutes turned to hours.

There we were . . . stuck in the darkness, blowing snow  . . . a long line of red lights in front of us and head lights behind us.

The radio was playing Christmas music. We sang along.

By now it was getting late. We were getting tired, thirsty, and hungry. We did have the rum and vodka from the duty free but decided that wasn't the thing to be knocking back at the moment. The tiny Cadbury Fruit and Nut nuggets gave us some energy but they weren't the meal we had been hoping for.

Paul nodded off.

I forced myself to stay awake not knowing when the traffic ahead of us might start moving again. I certainly didn't nat to be the guy who fell asleep at the wheel and delayed all the cars behind us when the traffic moved again!

Finally I gave up and nodded off.

We were woken by the sounds of sirens. Not the sirens that emergency vehicles use but the loud ones used to warn of attacks, or prison escapes. We knew that there was a prison along the highway but had no idea if we were near it or not.

We locked the doors just to be safe.

I was down to 1/2 a tank of gas by now. We decided to start conserving it. I shut the engine off, the windows fogged up. Paul snored. I amused myself with facebook and sending details of our plight to friends and family. Thank goodness for the Blackberry!

When we got cold I turned the engine back on to warm us up for a bit. I had visions of all the traffic ahead of us having moved on and us being left all alone.

Once I could see out of the windows again i realized that all was as before. Lots of the cars around us had turned off their engines and were sitting in the darkness. The only sounds were the festive tunes on the radio and the howl of the wind. Some of the cars beside us had been sitting idle for so long that snow drifts were forming around them.

All of the festive songs describing some sort of winter wonderland were starting to get to me.

When Patsy Cline started in about Susie Snowflake . . .

Here comes Suzy Snowflake,
Dressed in a snow-white gown,
Tap, tap, tappin' at your windowpane
To tell you she's in town . . .

the radio was turned off.

It was about 2:30 that I but my seat back and tried to get some rest. We weren't really cold as we had warm clothing on. We had lots of gas. We had some chocolate. We were surrounded by truckers and other drivers in the same plight.

I looked at it as an adventure. Tiring, trying, but an adventure nonetheless. A good story.

When I woke at 5:45 it looked as if daylight was trying to make an appearance. Looking out it was surreal - nothing but trucks and cars in front and behind of us. All sitting there silently in the snow.

The call of nature was strong. I discovered that I could still spell my name in the snow.

By now I was bored.

I got out of the car and walked around a bit.

Nope. Nothing exciting out there.

Snowballs were made. A snow angel attempted.

Still bored. 'Hyperactivity' and' stuck in the snow' are not a happy combination!

Back in the car I fell asleep again. We were woken by a knock on the window - a friendly trucker checking to see that we were OK.

I developed a new found appreciation for truckers. He wandered around digging cars out of the snow drifts that had formed in the night and checking to see that everyone was OK. Now if only he had had a coffee maker in his rig!

Now I was getting helpful e-mails from colleagues . . .

I googled surviving being stranded in a blizzard in a car. Poor jerry and paul have done almost everything wrong. I'm afraid their chances of making it ar slim. No emergency kit, no blankets with plastic, no empty coffee can to melt snow in, no candles, matches, utensils. It also says you should only run the car 10 min at a time to avoid carbon monoxide poisoning, and to keep a window open a crack. Who will go first? Jerry or Paul?

It was nice knowing that we were destined for an early death.

By now it was 8 am. We had been en route for 16 and 1/2 hours. The adventure was growing tiresome.

The guy behind us was walking around asking people is they knew what highway it was and if we were going east or west. He was missing his socks. He was either the escaped prisoner or affected by the snow craziness. My money is on the former.

Colleagues started to discuss what an amusing blog post it would be.

I was sent a list of the items I should have had in my car in order to survive in a blizzard. Who writes these lists? Had I had all of that crap in the car there would have been no room for our shopping - to say nothing of Paul or I!

Some friends on facebook started to take bets for when we would run out of gas (for the record we didn't - pay up!).

By 9:23 we had started to move more. We sailed through the tollbooth and didn't have to pay the toll. SCORE A friend suggested to me that the $ 3.15 we saved hardly compensated for the hotel room we would have paid for and not used the night before.

'tis nice to have friends who keep you grounded in reality.

Once we got through the toll booth the highway was closed ahead. The authorities were directing all of the traffic off onto the local roads. Imagine the congestion. Add cars running out of gas. Imagine the confusion . . .

The friendly truck driver banged on my window and advised us that there was a far quicker route we could take. We followed his advice and were in Erie in 45 minutes after a lovely drive along the lake. it really was a winter wonderland!

The hotel didn't charge us for the night we missed because we were sleeping in the car. I love Marriott!

A quick shower and clothes change and we were soon at Cracker Barrel for the biggest breakfast. EVER. My theory was 'diet be damned'. We ate it all!

Later we heard from friends in California that the adventure had made CNN and the 6 o'clock news on the  west coast. We read in the local paper of officials driving through the stuck traffic offering food, drink, and gas to the stranded motorists.

Hmmmm

I don't know where that was but there were no ATV or snow machine tracks anywhere near us. *sigh*

We saw on the news that stranded drivers were rescued and taken to shelter. They later had to pay a towing charge and the TOLL!!!! My head would have exploded at that point.

There you have it. Excitement whilst enroute to shop.

The moral to this tale . . .? When confronted with things beyond your control sit back, try to make the best of it, laugh a bit, and have fun with your BlackBerry!

Canada a Climate Change Embarassment

I've been reading the news from Copenhagen with some hope. You see, I'm not one of those who believe that climate change is a myth. I don't not accept the assertion made - generally by those who profit from polluting business or those with a grade 5 education - that the current trend toward global warming is just a normal cycle.

It came as a rude, but welcome awakening when I heard that Canada has won the Fossil of the Day award yet again at the conference.

We were awarded the Fossil of the Day “award” on the first day of the UN Climate Change Conference an apparently have received this 'distinction three times in total. no kids, this isn't the oscars and we shouldn't be striding to the podium to bask in glory. We should be holding our heads in shame.

“Canada garnered today’s award for its unwavering commitment to stand firm in its inaction throughout these negotiations,” a media release states.

For the duration of the conference, the Fossil of the Day will be presented to whichever country has done the most to delay and otherwise disrupt negotiations for an agreement on a global reduction in carbon emissions. The recipient is determined by a vote conducted by a network of over 400 international and non-governmental organizations.

That coalition’s media release goes on to state: “Since announcing its emissions target in 2007 of reducing GHG emissions by 20% below the 2006 emission level (equivalent to 3 % below the 1990 level), the Harper government has consistently refused to adopt any regulatory framework to start reducing emissions, namely form the rapidly growing sector of tar sands.”

In bestowing the recognition on Canada, the group noted that in a December 4 speech in Montreal, Minister of the Environment Jim Prentice announced that the Conservative government “won't be swayed by the Copenhagen hype”.

Canada is represented at COP15 by Prentice and Prime Minister Stephen Harper, who only agreed to travel to Copenhagen after U.S. President Barack Obama and Hu Jintao, the president of China, announced that they would attend.

Canada’s receiving of the first Fossil of the Day was not unexpected. The country was the Fossil of the Year in both 2007 and 2008. And in the weeks preceding COP15, the European press speculated that Canada will do everything it can to sabotage the talks.

Dear lord - that pinhead Harper has made us a pariah!

Then today came more happy news. While most nations brought a delegations of scientists to the convention the Canadian government brought Mike Holmes, renowned home renovator and reality TV host.

I'll admit that there are many times I feel some smugness in being a Canadian.

Today sure isn't one of them.

The Sneeze Sleeve

The second wave of H1N1 is upon us.

The media would have us gather our family and hide in the basement with the hysteria they are promoting. No doubt some folk are.

We have all seen ads like this on TV:

Well. I don't much care for the damn sleeve sneeze! The other day I had a cold. I sneezed into my sleeve and almost threw up when I saw what was deposited there. (EWWWWWWWWW). I did the world a favour and changed my shirt.

Wouldn't you know I sneezed again!

That shirt also had to go.

In the end I changed my shirt FOUR times before I gave up.

I get not sneezing into my hand. Can't I go back to my kleenex? I don't think I can afford the dry cleaning charges!

More Stupid People . . .

There seems to be a pattern between exhaustion and my rants . . . yes, it was a LONG day today! *smile*

I've noticed an excess of stupid people in the news recently. No, I am not referring to Sarah Palin and her lies about health care. Heck, I could do an entire series on her stupid statements and the stupid people who believe in her and support her. Tonight I will talk about other stupid people.

Now some of these wee rants can come across as insensitive. I get that.

The first case of stupid people is a case in point.

One would think that Americans today would appreciate the full force of a hurricane than they might have in the past. Sadly that is not the case. You might of heard of the crowd who ignored warnings about the weather and decided to watch the hurricane force waves pounding against the shore. Of course, you know what happened. Folks washed out to sea, lives lost, further lives risked to try and rescue them. It is tragic that a little girl lost her life. It is even more tragic that parents would show such a blatant disregard for safety.

Then there was a story today about stupid people buying 'graves' . . .

For $4.6 million you can be buried above Marilyn Monroe.The eBay.com listing says the space at Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery above Monroe is being vacated, making room for someone else. The listing also offers the detail that the current occupant is "looking face down on" Monroe, who was laid to rest at the cemetery in 1962.

Dear God!

Bidding for the auction started at $500,000 on Aug 14. The final bid was $4,602,100.

The Los Angeles Times reported earlier this month that the seller was Elsie Poncher, who was putting her late husband's crypt up for auction to help pay off the $1.6 million mortgage on her Beverly Hills home.

Lots of things make me nuts about this. I pity Monroe who, even in death, is unable to escape the glare of her celebrity. Then there is the former Mr Poncher who is being removed from his resting space to pay off the mortgage.

How sad.

Not even death is the given it once was.

This bunch of sad sacks makes me embarrassed to be human!

Parenthood . . . should be earned

There have been a few tales in what is allegedly the media lately that call out for some comment on my part. Of course they don't really but if I keep all of this inside I may have a stroke. What is the sense in me going to the gym and dropping 50 pounds if I have a stroke because some idiot feels the need to compete with Joe Jackson in the worst parent category.

Sadly there are lots of stupid parents out there. These folks seem to forget that a child is not a toy to be used in some sort of emotional tug of war - some folks seem to think of parenting as a right and go about it with as much thought as they would popping into the local 7-11 for a Big Gulp and corn dog.

There is even a site on the web - parentsbehavingbadly.com out there for one's peverse pleasure. Frankly the stories there just made me sad. I get even more worried when I think that these messed up kids will  procreate themselves and wreak even more havoc upon our society. 

I blame this trend for the rise of 'reality' TV and the popularity of Danielle Steele. 

Dear lord - if it is this bad now just think of the exponential increase in the horror.

For once I hope the Mayans were right and the world will cease to exist on December 21, 2012 because I can't stand much more of this.

What has set off this woe?

It started a few weeks ago when that paragon of motherhood 'Octomom' reappeared in the news. No. She isn't preggers again, instead she found a producer so thick that they signed agreements for each of her 14 children to earn $250 a day to star in a reality television show.

The contracts filed Friday in Los Angeles Superior Court guarantee the children will collectively earn about $250,000 over three years. The contracts require a judge's approval.

Dear lord - 14 X $ 250,000 is a lot of plastic surgery and buffets at Sizzler.

It drives me nuts the way 'we' exploit people who in many cases are unable to make their own decisions.

Happily the courts have appointed a guardian to care for the money the children earned (although 'mom of the year' will likely need $ 20,000 a month for household expenses).

Then there is a wee Canadian story that is making the news here this week. I will spell it out because my American friends likely haven'y heard anything from the icy north for awhile.

Apparently a guy in Quebec let his 7 year old son drive the family van down a country road.  He sat in the passenger seat and video taped this. Mom sat in the back with nine year old brother and baby sister on her lap. Of course no one was wearing seatbelts.

Then the moronic parent posted the video on YouTube.

Dear lord. It is one thing to be a bad parent, it is quite another to share your parental shortcomings with the world via the internet.

In the video, the boy sits on the edge of the driver's seat, looking relaxed but alert as he grips the steering wheel and drives the vehicle.

Dad cheerfully notes as the speed approaches 40 km/h that "it's a little fast."

Observing that his son is calmly chewing gum as he drives, the father tells him to "smile for the camera," although the boy's mother,  apparently tells the father not to distract the boy.

At one point the father says his son has hit 70 km/h. But the man insisted on Tuesday that he was just joking when he made that comment and that the vehicle never went over 40 km/h.

The police have opened up an investigation.

Dear lord - someone invent a 'stupid parent test' and require all adults to take it prior to their EVER having sex. Those who fail it should not be allowed to breed . . . how tragic is it that there are so many people who want kids, would be brilliant parents, and are unable to have them, yet morons like octomom and 'man who videos son breaking the law and stupidly posts it on YouTube' are able to breed at a faster pace than the rabbits who live in my garden.

The world is out of wack.

Of course this too is Stephen Harper's fault!

Social Responsibility?

Those of you who follow this nonsense on a regular basis know that I have been doing work with emotional intelligence. Part of my training involved my completing a test that gaged my own social and emotional intelligence. I've done this before so I wasn't too surprised about the results except for one area - social responsibility.

I have always figured that I am a reasonably socially responsible person - I don't own a gun . . . I have never voted conservative (EWWWW) . . . I ALWAYS vote . . . I generally obey laws (surely speed limits are a suggestion, not a law) . . . I give to charity . . . I don't litter . . . I recycle . . . See, I am not a completely horrid person.

Yet I scored lower on the social responsibility scale than a colleague who many suspect is somewhat of a psychopath (no Joanne, I am NOT referring to you. Behave!).

How can this be?

Well one reason is the questions on the stupid test. Clearly they were flawed in a way that did not allow my socially responsible nature to be truly recognized. One of the questions asked would I stop and assist a crying child. Of course I said no. If the poor tykes parents don't love her enough to keep her at their sides and assist her themselves, then why the hell should I? I envisioned an airport . . . I'm late for my plane, foolish crying child with useless parents appears in front of me . . . I can stop and assist her or make my flight . . . what would you do? Of course you'd make your flight.

A colleague suggested that the real reason is that I don't like people very much. Sadly there is some truth to this. I don't know if you've noticed but there are some very annoying folk out there. I refuse to cooperate and be socially responsible with these dolts! I am sure even Mother Teresa would have turned up her nose and gone off to save a slum instead these assorted twits herself.

If I have to be socially responsible I want it written into my contract that I do NOT have to be nice to the following folk:

• women wearing impossibly high heels who slow me down and cause me to miss my train as they inch their way down the stairs on the subway.

• people who have screaming fights with parents/kids/spouse/telemarketers/anyone over their cellphones in an enclosed space.

• people who make a nasty smell in an elevator and have the nerve to look accusingly at you as if you've sprung open a package of limburger cheese.

• people who dart in front of your car and steal your spot at the mall.

• people who insist on telling you how wonderful their kids are even when the evidence suggests that little Sue or Jason is a simple hellion.

• colleagues who bring their kid's school fund raising chocolates to the office and try and make you buy them. These chocolates shouldn't be called chocolates as they always taste like chalk. If you want me to help pay for your kid's field trip you can pay for Beckett's next visit to the vet.

• people who are thinner than a stick who complain that they are fat.

• people who complain it is impossible to shed a pound yet they are in line at McDonalds waiting for a large sack of food.

• people who select the busiest time of the day to pay 62 bills at the instant teller . . . one at a time.

• people who are mean to cats and dogs.

• people who think of the bulk food section or the fresh fruit section of the grocery store as an all-you-can-eat buffet.

• dirt bags who win the lottery when I have only won $ 89 playing the same damn numbers for 21 years!

• Dick Cheney.

• people who are mean to my friends.

• Stephen Harper and his ENTIRE cabinet. Yes, all of them!

• people who don't change their child's diaper even though irrefutable evidence is wafting about that said diaper is in desperate need of a change.

• people who finally change the diaper but then leave it on the counter in the restroom.

• people who don't flush.

• men who are unable to aim whilst standing at a urinal. I mean really, if I wanted a shower for my feet I'd hop into the shower and do it properly! Sorry, I know that that one is gross but it is really, really, really annoying.

• people who linger in the change room. Get naked, shower, dry off, get dressed, leave. That is the routine. You do NOT need to chat on your cell phone - would the person on the other end like to know that you are in a room full of sweaty, naked, old flabby guys with furry backs? Likely not.

• people who damage goods on purpose and then subsequently line up wanting a discount on the item.

• people who try to pay for their groceries in coins.

• people who insist on discussing plot, flaws, how the film differs from the book, their last date, or anything else for that matter, while in the middle of a packed movie theatre.

• people who are intolerant (yes, I do see the irony of that one).

• Those who use the bible (or any other religious Scripture) as their rational for being intolerant;

• people who condone torture. Oh, right. I already said Dick Cheney. I mean the rest of them!

• people who try and take advantage of the downtrodden.

• people who knock on my door trying to convert me.

• the nasty kid who smashed my pumpkin last year.

• people who will only eat meat that is charred to an unrecognizable black mass of carbon.

• people who think white Zinfandel is a fine wine.

• people who are too cheap to buy their own shrubbery so they nick it from their neighbour's garden.

• the annoying teen on our street who juggles with fire. The juggling always leaves such a mess on the pavement. I of course, worry that my lawn will go up in smoke.

• people who don't clean up after their dog.

• parents who allow their children to run amok in restaurants/museums/work/grocery store/anywhere.

• colleagues who won't get day care and so they bring their children to the office and set up an informal day care in the next cubicle.

• people who abuse kids.

There. I think I might be able to be nice to everyone else - if only the rubes listed above were out of my life I'd be the most socially rsponsible person out there!

News?

We were heading down to Maine when the news broke that Michael Jackson had died. Checking into our hotel in Syracuse the front desk staff were sobbing - I just wanted my key and to get the hell out of there.

Being in Maine relieved us of some of the wall-to-wall Jacko coverage. Now that I'm back I thought I'd throw some ideas together.

Now in the interest of full disclosure let me be clear that I have never been a Michael Jackson fan. Sure I liked the early stuff but by the 80s I had had enough - Thrillerwas full of un-danceable music (sorry - no one had the stamina to last through most of the songs - I wonder how many coronaries took place on dance floors over it?), screeches and spawned videos with Jackson groping himself. Frankly, I spent more time trying to count how many times he fondled his nether regions than actually listening to the music.

Then things just got unfortunate with the freakish surgery and allegations of improprieties. I know that he was never convicted of anything but in my world you don't give up $ 23 million if you've done nothing wrong. I know he was rumoured to be generous but there are limits.

Don't get me started on Lisa Marie Presley and that most unfortunate kiss.

My sense of the hoo haw over his death?

It has been distasteful.

It started when his father, speaking about the death for the first time, took the opportunity to tell everyone that he was starting up a new record label. MMMMMM - how nice. Your son isn't cold yet and you're taking the opportunity of having cameras in your face to build some buzz over your latest business venture.

Then there was the invasive, non-stop media coverage. Really - was there nothing going on in the world? Soldiers were being killed. People were starving. Pandemics were spreading. The numbers of poor grew. No one seemed to care a whit as the cameras focused on the final tributes to a fallen singer.

Heavens, people rushed to provide a quote. Every B, C, and D (i.e. those who can't even get onto Big Brother) grade celebrity raced to tell 'their' Michael Jackson story. Liz Taylor twittered about their love. It was too much.

I fully understand the need to grieve. I don't think grieving should become a national pass-time.

Then there was the debate over how he died. Guess what? I didn't care. I felt badly for his fans and family. Let it go.

The memorial tribute was a 'bit' much, too. People bartered for 'tickets'. Tickets to a memorial service is just distasteful. Selling said tickets on eBay is down right offensive.

Call me old fashioned but I prefer a service that isn't streamed live over the internet, twittered, nor blogged in live time. In our rush to provide 'information' (spin) we have lostsome very precious privacy in our lives. None of us really needed that, did we?

Then the city of LA started to collect fan donations to pay for Jackson's send off. Click here to give the 'King of pop' the send off he deserves. I am happy to be a nobody because should anything like this happen upon my death I'd be spinning in the eternity.

Over the weekend there was a healthy debate regarding Jackson's likelihood of getting into Heaven. Experts were asked to provide opinions. To their credit they refused to wade into the fray.

Dear LaToya (always the creepiest of the Jackson clan) topped off the weekend with wild accusations that Jackson was murdered and she knew who had done it! This become front page coverage the world over. You just know that LaToya will be selling 'clues to Michael's murder' at the end of a 1-800 call in the near future don't you?

She is just jealous that no one ripped off HER outfit during the Superbowl. That Janet always had all of the breaks afforded to the baby of the clan.

I am done.

News - sure!

Over the top, creepy, and offensive at times. You bet!!!!!

Stupid People

I am hot. It is humid. I am tired. I start the long drive to Maine in a few hours. A huge thunderstorm is racing its way here. I might be a tad cranky.

It is time for a rant.

There have been a few folks in the news lately that have amazed me with their huge, gaping depths of stupidity. Hell, these boobs have the Grand Canyon of stupidity.

First up is Perez Hilton. You may have heard of him. He has a web site where he makes the most wildly inappropriate comments about celebrities and pseudo celebs. His web site has become so popular that it has made him into a celeb of sorts.

Trust me when I tell you that the stuff he spouts is vile. I googled it once at work, went to the site, and lived in fear for weeks that I would be fired.

Last week Perez was in Toronto where he was punched in the face by the manager of the Black Eyed Peas. Now I do not in any way condone violence of any sort however when you spew the venom about people that Perez does you'd think he'd expect to be roughed up once in awhile.

Perez screamed assault, charges were laid. Apparently the 'assaulter' has been inundated with flowers, gifts, and offers of support.

Perez . . . nadda!

Parents - there is a lesson there to teach your children.

Today came the news that Perez has sued over the assault.

To hell with anti-violence, I think I'd like to pop him one too.

Next . . .

You knew Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina would make this list, didn't you?

So this right-wing Christian Governor from the south has been carrying on an affair with a woman from Argentina for a year. Fine. politicians do bad things. I get that.

It becomes a problem when the senior executive for the state tells his staff he is hiking in the Appalachians and he instead jets off to Argentina for a tryst over the Father's Day weekend. I am sure that his children appreciated that little facet of this adventure.

It was made even worse because no one on his staff knew how to locate him. Ol' Mark lied to his wife and kids, lied to his staff, hell, he lied to his state, all in the name of sex, companionship, and dare I wonder about it, love. One wonders what might have happened had there been some sort of state emergency while he was enjoying himself in the southern hemisphere.

Why do politicians do this crap? They know that they will get caught. They know that they will be in front of cameras crying crocodile tears and begging their long-suffering spouses to forgive them in no time at all. Why would any one take that risk? Heck, politicians are under far more scrutiny that we regular folks - why take the chance?

Let's wrap up with those horrid folk John and Kate.

It was my plan to skip Jon & Kate for at least the next few months, but I figured I would write just to kind of piece together all of the news and rumors floating around the internet. As you would expect, Monday night's episode on TLC set a new record for the show which just goes to show you that announcing your divorce on television is the new way to go for reality programming.

Kate Gosselin is on the cover of People this week and says she feels like she failed. Yes Kate, you have, in so many things. I'd list them but my fingers might fall off from the overwork.

Darn, where is my violin when I need it? It didn't take her long to martyr herself. The interview with her was actually conducted last week and People held off on the story because they wanted the exclusive and are big ass kissers even to a lowly reality star who no one will remember a year from now. Hopefully.

Continuing with the martyr theme, US Weekly is reporting that Kate is still wearing her wedding ring. I think that is to convey to all of us that she hasn't given up hope of a reunion. I think there is plenty of blame to share here. I also think that Kate has a PR person and Jon thinks PR is a place in the Caribbean you go in the winter.

If you believe the NY Daily News, then I think we may all want to tune in to the relaunch of the show in August. Why? Well they say that Deanna Hummel, the 23 year old teacher who has the best brother in the whole world is going to be on the show. Considering there have been no pictures of the couple together and that Jon seems like he wants to cruise the high schools for dates, I don't know if this is true.

Then again. I don't much care!

Travel . . .

So yesterday was a travel day for me. As far as travel days go it was relatively uneventful. Here I am in Golden, Colorado wide awake at an ungodly hour because my body says I should be.

Being on Eastern Standard Time when you're out west isn't fun.

What better time to patter away on the blog before heading to the gym?

Today's post will be some random thoughts about travel.

Here goes . . .

Does anyone else suffer from 'Oh, no . . . I forgot . . .!' This is the tendency to assume that you have forgotten something vitally important. You race about the house in a panic unable to find the crucial item that has been left behind. You're sure of it. It must be somewhere secret and you're late.

Perhaps the cat is playing with it?

Panic rises, the sheen on your face from the stress sweat isn't pretty. Later you find the missing item in your luggage or carry on exactly where you carefully placed it . . . hours before.

Of course, in the panic of racing through the house looking for it, you've left a trail of truly important things in your wake which you now have to find as well.

ARGH

Things aren't mucg better at the airport. Yesterday we decided we'd get some lunch rather than rely on the 9-day old sandwiches that they zap in the microwave on-board the plane and try to sell to you for outrageous prices. I figure if I'm paying $ 800 for a flight they can at least toss me a lump of something inedible. To have to pay for it just annoys the heck out of me.

There weren't a ton of choices near the gate. My first inclination was to get a slice of pizza or something and call it a wash. We ended up seated in a sports bar (neither of us cares a fig about sports) being served by a surly server named Luis who only had charm for single women who he must have thought attractive. The food that Luis dropped at our table was as charmless as Luis (I can't imagine that the single women got anything more palatable - ha).

My colleague said - 'I'll pay this bill, you get dinner.' HA again, It was close to $ 40 for a crap lunch with no alcohol.

When you think that GM could be bailed out 15 times for what they spend on building an airport these days they might at least have a food offering or two that was worthy of such a travel palace.

I should have gotten the pizza on-board. Note to self . . .

My next random thread deals with age. If you already think I'm ageist please skip ahead. I'm not really. Frankly, I am an equal opportunity whiner - I'll complain if you're young, old, or anything in between - it is just that my next observances deal with age.

The plane was well-near empty. I was in heaven. I so love having a row to myself. Then someone joined me. A lovely woman who was connecting through Denver on her way to California to visit her grandchildren. She sat there with her giant print crossword and attempted to engage in conversation. Sadly, she was to be disappointed as I am not skilled in idle conversation one bit. If I don't care I can't fake it well at all. This is why I am NOT a politician.

OK.

I'll grant you this, ONE reason! *smile*

In the end, this chattering and crossword with 4-inch print was all fine. I could cope with it.The kicker was her perfume. Some nasty floral scent that even AVON would refuse to add to their discount line. It wasn't long at all before I felt a headache coming on.

I am well aware of the fact that the penchant for excessive use of horrid scents is not reserved for the elderly at all - surely there are enough adolescent lads out there who are equally olifactorally confused  . . . but there does seem to be many elderly women who suffer from this as well. Being seated next to one wasn't an enjoyable experience.

Oh well. I suffered through it by ramming my headphones on, watching 5 episodes of 30 ROCK and 1 of Entorage, and eating enough candy to make me want to vomit. There. I can blame her for my lack of candy consumption control.

Now. Speaking of age. I think my colleague covered it best when she said 'the staff on that plane were at the top of the seniority list!' I think it is great that folks can be gainfully employed at all stages of their lives, I really do. There is, however, something about flying . . . safety . . . and the like, that really makes me want a young 'buck' or 'buckette' on board as the flight attendant. You know exactly what I mean, stewards or stewardesses (dear lord - what is the plural?) who can rip the door, lift it up, toss it out and assist me out of the plane in an emergency.

I do not feel as safe at all when the staff assigned to my plane are addicted to metamucil, struggle to lift a wee carry on bag up, or are unable to walk through the plane without clutching on to seats and passengers for support. This does not inspire me at all to think that this person could drag me from a burning plane in the event of an unfortunate event.

I'm not stereotyping because I know that there are enough folk out there who are older than I who could take me in an arm wrestling competition and while they're at it rip my arm off and beat me over the head with it! The staff on yesterday's flight didn't seem to fit that category.

Travel is fun isn't it?

Don't get me started on my colleague who is so addicted to a GPS that we ended up at the wrong hotel. I blame GPSes (again . . . what is the plural?) for humankind's growing inability to read maps or problem solve directions. It will be a trait we humans lose over time - just like building a fire or actually being able to feed ourselves with food we have gathered.

We have located some AMAZING shopping and had a good dinner last night - although with service so slow that the main courses were compted. The end result was dinner (which I expensed) cost less than the horrid food dropped on our table in Toronto by the surly Luis.

Ha

I wonder what today will bring?

Technology

Hmmmm - I had a message today that downloads were available for my PC.

Of course I did what I was told to do and downloaded them.

Who am I to question the empire built by Bill Gates?

One of the things I was directed to download was Internet Explorer 8. I wondered about this because I still haven't gotten used to my last 'new' browser.

I don't always cope well with change.

However, I remained compliant and downloaded.

Then I realized that there seemed to be some 'issues' with Typepad.

ARGH

I've lost three different blog posts now.

I'd rant and rave but I have packing to do . . . I'm off to a training session in Denver tomorrow.

For now, let's leave it at this . . . I HATE Internet Explorer 8 . . . for now. :-)