Tonight we decided to see this latest installment in this Disney series. My opinions will be moot for most folk (as compared to the rest of the world who couldn't care less about my thoughts) whom I'm sure who have already seen this movie but here goes anyway:OK I'll admit that we haven't seen a flick for awhile.
Should you find yourself in line to see this movie . . . RUN. It matters not to where you run, just get the hell out of the theatre because anywhere else would be preferable to sitting through three hours of this movie.
Apparently it was not enough to have a drug addled Keith Richards in the movie in one of the worst 'rock star cameos' ever. I can't remember, was this before or after he fell from the coconut tree . . . that is right - who can tell? Presumably they let him helm the writing and directing of the film as well in his mind altered state. (Parents everywhere - use this clip as a lesson for your children - see Sue - looks what happens when you free base heroin?)
Dear God, what a load of tripe!
Oh yes, did I say I didn't like the movie? Oh, you figured that out already? I am nothing if not subtle! *smile*
If you unfortunately do choose to join this rowdy cruise to the netherworld and back, plan to purchase a couple of meals' worth of popcorn and your beverage of choice. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End packs more characters, more action, more surprises, more metaphysical nonsense, and more Jack Sparrows into 168 minutes—yes, that's right, almost three hours—than the Lord of the Rings Trilogy packed into the entire series. Oh yes, you'll have to sit through twelve minutes of closing credits to see the movie's predictable epilogue (because apparently modern movie goers are too daft to use their own imaginations to reach their own conclusions!). But most moviegoers will have already walked the plank, emerging seasick (vomit bags at the ready), full of strange tales, and drunk on plot-twists, double-crosses, and baffling revelations.
The previous Pirates movies have shown a fun flair for the grotesque, and this time, they pull out all the stops. In fact, they dismember and rip them to bits. Characters have a troubling tendency to snap off digits (who really needs that toe or tentacle), gouge out eyes (and suck on them EWWW), rip brains out of craniums (and lick them again - EWWWW), and yank out beating hearts (and maybe even stab them). It's like touring the popular "Bodies" exhibit at the Science Centre, only to see the corpses come to life and dissect themselves with apparent glee.
Gore Verbinski, who has directed all three Pirates films, really needed to pull Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End out of the bag if the franchise was to survive, and the bad news is that he’s failed miserably. Good news for movie fans everywhere - we won't need to sit through another one (although the movie dearly tries to set up yet another sequel in the last moments of the movie)
Picking up from where the last film ended with the surprise return of Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), the crew of the Black Pearl and voodoo priestess Tia Dalma (Naomie Harris) try and rescue Captain Jack from Davy Jones’ Locker, a kind of purgatory for drowned sailors (by now I wished someone was coming to rescue me from my own movie going purgatory).
Once they escape back into the world of the living, the Black Pearl joins a gathering of nine pirate lords and engage in a giant battle with The Flying Dutchman captained by Sparrow’s arch enemy Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) and massed fleet of the East India Trading Company. If your imagination hasn't been stretched to the brittle point of no return by now just wait . . . it is coming!
Screenwriters Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio have turned in a script so convoluted and full of flip-flopping character allegiances I confess we gave up trying to make sense of it. Instead we let the fascinating visual effects wash over us (there, I did say something positive, mom always said to be positive . . . has it helped?).
Verbinski seems to have somehow lost his way and now seems uncertain exactly what it was about the first film that made it so successful. It certainly wasn't the insipid relationship between Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom, who do for acting what George W. Bush has done for World peace) but nonetheless we're treated to more of them, when just about everyone wanted less. Watching Knightley try to 'rally' the pirates to fight in the coming battle (a la Aragon in Lord of the Rings) only serves one to wonder why she wasn't locked up and sent back to acting 101 boot camp (and normally I quite like Knightley who was brilliant in Bend it Like Beckham) Only the always amazing Geoffrey Rush gets the tone right, camping it up as Barbossa with plenty of shiver-me-timbers fun.
So, if you, like us, were waiting for the crowds to die down to check out this flick . . . save your $ 10.50, buy a bottle of something with a good kick and escape reality that way because this film won't do it for you!
While I don't know that I agree with ALL you said, I'm giving your REVIEW of Pirates 3 a big thumbs up. Don't read me wrong - the MOVIE gets a big thumbs DOWN. I, too, thought it was...dumb. Plain dumb. My husband liked it, though. Go figure. Pirates 1 was worth seeing. Pirates 2, a little less so. Pirates 3? I don't think I'll even buy the DVD when it comes out, despite the pleas of my boys and husband. It just didn't measure up if you ask me.
Posted by: Kari | July 13, 2007 at 11:17 AM
Not seen this last movie of the series, and might give it a miss after reading this. Was not hugely taken with the second movie and I get really annoyed when Hollywood twists old legends to their own ends.
I grew up in the Cape of Storms and heard the legend of the Flying Dutchman from my earliest childhood - that original story is far more terrifying than Hollywood could ever make it in these movies...
P.S. Yes, it is still raining in Dublin. We are now on the cusp of 5 weeks without a single dry day...
Posted by: Robert | July 13, 2007 at 02:41 PM
Kari - glad to hear it wasn't just me. I thought that perhaps I was just cranky yesterday but others have told me they felt the same. We quite enjoyed the first one but not this one at all.
Next up . . Harry Potter!
Robert - time to move!
I think that great liberties were taken with this storyline . . .
Posted by: Jerry | July 13, 2007 at 06:54 PM