The Return Home

AKA - how to end a truly wonderful vacation with a journey from hell!

My pal Nancy has been reading Buddhist magazines - trying to get her karmic universe in order perhaps. Apparently some of that karma got us yesterday (although I'm not sure 'got you' is the true Buddhist sentiment!)

Paul and I were so happy with ourselves on Saturday . . . one of the great challenges on the slow travel message board has been returning a rental car in Florence without getting lost and taking an unplanned dip in the Arno or without incurring hundreds of dollars in traffic fines from driving in the restricted areas of the city. We were suitably impressed when we did neither and returned the car without ANY stress (unlike our 2006 trip).

Paul declared 'that was so easy, something bad will happen tomorrow.'

Well, I don't know if it was Buddha trying to return some humbleness to us or God responding to Paul's ripping of the cross off of the church in Lucca (he did not keep it as a trip souvenir, he wants me to assure everyone, it was placed back where it was found) but we got it back in spades yesterday.

The trip home started lovely.We woke early, got ready to travel, took the luggage to the street with ease, and the cab showed up EARLY. The cab was large enough to fit all of the luggage so that neither Paul nor I had to balance a 50 lb (OK, they were ALL more than 50 lbs) on our laps. We were at the airport early. The charge was less than I had been told (27 euro instead of the 30 euro I had been quoted). The luggage carts in the Florence airport were FREE!

We got into the Lufthansa line at 7:20 for the 8:50 flight. There were only 8 folks ahead of us and they had 6 agents checking in passengers and collecting luggage. Visions of a smooth check in and me sipping my last Italian coffee at the Autogrill whilst Paolo parted with his last euros at the various shops filled my head.

Then it came to a crashing halt.

After about 30 minutes I noticed that the line was not moving at all. Plus it had grown considerably longer behind us. Two of the 6 check in kiosks had changed their signage and suddenly were only checking in Swiss Air customers. We were informed that the Lufthansa check in system throughout Europe was crashing repeatedly. I was prepared to miss the flight.

We were finally checked in at 8:55 for an 8:50 flight. Now there was some good in all of this - all of our luggage was WELL overweight, they didn't care and just sent it along the conveyor belt (SCORE - saved $ 200 there). They held the flight for us and we were whisked through security. The airport was tiny so we did not have a repeat of our Olympic dash through the Atlanta airport last February - my heart was happy and neither a defibrillator nor the oxygen tank was required.

I could whinge a bit about the truly horrid and repulsive turquoise colour that Air Dolomiti has selected as their corporate colour but I might just look superficial here. I would never want THAT! I will say thought that those employees deserve a hefty raise for having to wear an outfit that particular shade (think bridesmaid dress from 80's HELL).

Anyway.

We saw our luggage as it was loaded on to the plane and had an uneventful flight to Munich. The snack served was actually tasty, although the coffee was nasty.

We had no trouble at the Munich airport although the security guys were a tad agitated that I hadn't gotten my passport stamped in Italy. When I explained that there was a gorgeous woman in the cue behind me when we arrived in Rome and that the passport checkers had been racing everyone through without a glance because they wanted the beautiful woman to be at their booth, the security guys just laughed and made some comment about the Italian male and the location of their brains. My passport got stamped (German males being well aware of THEIR priorities) and we were through.

Because of the Lufthansa check in debacle everyone who had pre-booked their seats lost them. We ended up with centre aisle seats about 4 rows apart. No arguing about the window seat on this trip. I was able to convince a nice man to switch seats so Paul and I could sit together. When no one else took the third seat we ended up with the centre three seats to ourselves with lots of room to spread out - score.

Everything seemed fine. We were cruising towards the Atlantic, I was actually not hating my lamb dinner with my wee bottle of red wine, when I noticed the chief steward beckon all of the other flight attendants to the back of the plane. It was the first time I had ever seen the service stop when there was no turbulence. After awhile they resumed and finished the drink service. There was an announcement that there would be no coffee service and then they rushed about the cabin grabbing people's trays almost as soon as the last morsel of food had passed their lips.

The reason for this unusual behaviour was soon evident. The pilot came over the PA and announced that there were some troubling indicators from one of the engines. Nothing to worry about, they were all working as they should, but as a precaution we were turning back and landing in London. Hmmm

We started to circle in the air over the Irish Sea.

The helpful man beside me informed me that they were burning/dumping fuel so that we didn't explode as badly as we could when we landed.

Paul turned white and bit his lip.

I just love helpful plane crash information.

As we approached Heathrow we noticed that the airport appeared to be in a 'holding pattern' - lots of planes circling and none taking off. Hmmm

What were those tiny red cars with flashing red lights all over the runway? Hmmmm

We landed without incident but came to a complete stop in the middle of the runway whereupon we were surrounded by emergency vehicles. Just a precaution we were told.

Everyone applauded the pilots.

We made our way to gate 592 where another Air Canada plane was parked beside us at gate 591. The plan was to unload everything from our plane and load it up on the plane beside us. Then they would transfer the passengers.

It was surreal watching all of this happen.

At a certain point some of the flight attendants wheeled their bags off of the plane  . . . a bit like rats leaving a sinking ship. Not to worry the flight supervisor informed us, they were required on the other plane to prepare it for the arrival of passengers and had to be present on the plane when passengers started to arrive.

We walked off of the plane onto the tarmac where we had to be shuttled by a bus 50 feet to the other plane. Apparently it is illegal to walk on the Heathrow tarmac without a fancy yellow reflective vest. Once we got to the other plane we walked up the steps, on to the plane, and found the same seats we had vacated. Try to imagine 275 folks doing that. Yes, some confusion broke out.

Finally, everything was transferred over and we were good to go. Of course we sat on the tarmac for another 45 minutes until we were cleared for take off.

I was able to get a call through to the villa in Montisi and asked Gail to call my mom to let her know that we were delayed and we would NOT be arriving in Toronto at 2:40 as planned. We would be late, very, very late.

After more delays we were on our way. It was a new plane with personal entertainment units so that was good. Unfortunately they had only loaded the same provisions on that had been on the other plane. Since we had already had our hot meal there wasn't much left to eat. Paul and I hid our food stash that we bring on every plane ride for fear of being set upon by famished passengers. A wise move it turned out. Some folks got crazed from the hunger later in the flight.

When they came down the aisle serving drinks I had a double Black Russian figuring that being drunk might be the only way to handle the remaining ride.

We landed in Toronto at 7:30 almost 5 hours late.

After we pulled up to the gate there was yet another delay . . . the walkway was broken and they needed to send someone to fix it prior to our being able to disembark. Would the nightmare ever end?

When we got to the customs hall and there were hundreds of folks in the line ahead of us. My double black Russian wore off and apparently I became cranky. Don't believe a word of it. I am NEVER cranky.

Finally we were through. With all of the delays at customs and disembarking our luggage was at the carousel when we got there.

YEAH

Well, three of the four bags were.

I was just going to the missing bag kiosk when I spotted it - three carousels away. Presumably someone thought it was their bag, took it, realized it wasn't and then just dumped it rather than returning it to the carousel. We were all tired at that point. I might have done the same.

As we crossed through the final customs point (the one where you get pulled over when you have made too many purchases or look like you might be smuggling booze). We had declared 14 bottles of wine and are only allowed 4. We always wonder . . . will we get pulled over and have a repeat of the 'unfortunate customs event' we enjoyed when returning from California a few years ago. . . We were waved through! Wine - not a problem. If it had been 14 bottles of rum (or 14 leather coats for that matter) we would still be navigating our way through customs hell.

We met mom (who had been waiting for us for 2 hours) and made our way to the car. Sadly she had forgotten where in the GIANT car park she had left it. It was beside an orange sign she told us. That was helpful. Try to imagine how many orange signs there were in the carpark. Eventually we found her car and we were on our way.

Because we hadn't eaten much we were famished. In Burlington we looked for a spot to get a quick bite to go. Apparently everything closes early in Burlington on a Sunday. We ended up in the McDonald's drive through (my gout is returning as I type) where we had a debate with the drive through clerk (what do you call the person at the end of the speaker), had to wait for fresh fries, and ended up being 'parked' because the cute young thing behind the window had an 'accident', presumably with our food.

She had the nerve to giggle as she told us this.

She was almost attacked with a plastic straw.

Whilst we were 'parked' and awaiting the delivery of our order mom somehow dropped her car keys and temporarily lost them.

Finally, food in hand, we were back home. We unloaded the car, were greeted by two VERY happy and affectionate kitties (that will wear off shortly). We were home. It was almost 21 hours since we had left our hotel in Florence.

Awesome trip. Return from hell but at least it had its 'moments' that were fun and memorable.

Pics and stuff later. Laundry and getting Paul off to work is beckoning. Happily I am off until next Monday so I have lots of time to shop, rent a herd of sheep to deal with the back lawn, and let the cats know that we missed them too.

Comments

[Deb R]

Hey Jerry, a great trip report. So sorry to hear of your misadventures on return...we are flying Lufthansa as well on Friday! I hope they get their act together. I know you must be having the post-trip blues today...but just think you can start planning for the next one! hehehe

[Jane]

Jerry, I hate to say this but thanks for a good beginning to the day--at your expense. I laughed throughout your trials. My sympathies do go to Paolo who had to return to work today.

Years ago on an AirFrance flight we had a similar experience but the whole plane load was put up at a 5 star hotel for the night and given an wonderful prime rib dinner after returning to Paris. I remember the fuel dumping and all.

Welcome back to N. America.

[girasoli]

Welcome home. Sorry to hear about the nightmare trip back but at least it is an amusing post (for others). Did that really happen about the beautiful woman and not getting your passport stamped?

[Ice Tea For Me]

I'm sure the words from Dorothy & Toto are very appropriate right now... There's no place like home!!

Thank you for keeping up your blog on your trip, I know how challenging this is. It allows us to live vicariously though you since we aren't in Italia ourselves.

[sandrac]

Whoa -- this indeed is a trip from hell. That is a whole lot of things to go wrong all at the same time! I'm used to one or two things screwing up on every flight, but you just jammed a couple of years' worth of woe into one trip!

Watching the pilots dumping fuel to lessen the explosion would be disconcerting, as would the rush of emergency vehicles. That would certainly be my signal to try to get drunk in the hopes of passing out....

The one thing that comforts me when everything is going to hell, is imagining what a great anecdote this will make in future at dinner parties and such. You and Paul will certainly have a lot to dine out on!

Having said all that, welcome home, Jerry, I've been enjoying your blog!

[Barb Cabot]

Whew, you made it home! I thought about you and Paul flying yesterday and Paul having to go to work today. Thank goodness it all ended safely. Will wait patiently for the rest of the wild adventure stories and pics. Relax and enjoy being at home sweet home!

[Marta]

And after all that you were only 5 hours late. Not bad. Why does it always happen on the way home when one is tired and cranky? But you are home safe. Welcome home and I look forward to hearing more and seeing the pictures.

[Eden]

Glad to know that you and Paul are home safe, Jerry.

I do not think I was supposed to be laughing out loud while reading this post but I couldn't help myself! Funny about your misadventures...

I had a similar experience flying home from Honolulu, engine sparking, turning off one of the engines, going back to HNL, fire engines and ambulances on the runway... "just in case they were needed"... I was ready to move to Honolulu permanently! I did not care if I came home again!

[Jerry]

Glad that our travel tale brought some laughter into your lives. It did in ours as well. It became one of those absurd situations that you just had to laugh at. It is funny as well how the passage of time makes trauma seem more amusing - the human brain is a wonderful beast.

Susan - the part about the passport stamp really did happen - hard to believe in this day and age of security.