January Searches

Long time readers of this space will know that I have a fascination with how folks arrive at my blog. If you should happen to come upon a little thing called my life - send it back. Apparently I've lost it. I am a bit late with the round up this month - I may have to start posting twice a day because I have too much to blather one about!

If I ever do that - someone take me aside and have a stern lecture . . .

Typepad has a neat feature that allows me to track how people arrive here. Lots of folks arrive here from my posts at the slowtravel website, others from links on friend's blogs, the rest through internet searches.

Here is a list of some of the phrases that people typed into a search engine, pushed return, and ended up on this site in December. More often than not they were to leave disappointed because the blog didn't have what they were looking for. You have to admit - after 743 posts there are quite a few combinations of phrases here and google searches them all.

The most popular searches by far are jamie oliver sow roasted pork. There are at least 50 of those a day. Go figure . . .

Here is a selection of the search phrases that people typed into google, pushed 'goodle search' and ended up here. Poor souls. Most were sadly disappointed.

opinions on braised pork roasts

I just don't understand this thought at all. Food is either tasty or it is not tasty. I like it or I don't. Do I need to have opinions about it now? My friends would argue that I have far to many opinions as it is, and that I spout on about them ad nauseum. If I start having in depth opinions about braised pork roasts (or any other food item for that matter) there will be no living with me. Don't get me wrong, I love food  . . . but it isn't the Arab Israeli conflict nor is it Stephen 'I've sold my soul to stay in power' Harper . . . it's food.

are golden beets same as red beets

OK. Doesn't the term 'same' mean that they are . . . well, . . . the same? One is golden, the other red. To my unsophisticated view that would mean that they are not, in fact, the same at all. 'Tis a good thing that google doesn't charge by the 'click'.

thoughts on fennel bulb

Bang. That was my head exploding. Why are we trying to make food so much more than it is. I don't want deep thoughts when it comes to food. Let's save our deep thoughts to things that really matter . . . like the importance of never voting conservative or why the guy at the gym who uses the used towels when he gets out of the shower should be banned henceforth. These things are worthy of deep thoughts . . . food? Not so much.

crabtree and evelyn chinese crap

Hmmm. I always thought that crabtree and evelyn stuff was good. Certainly the women in my life LOVE it. Truth be told, Paul likes it too. I'm not sure that everything made in China is crap. . . there was a time when people thought that about things made in Japan.

I have friends who are trying to not buy or use anything made in China . . . at last check they are living in a box under a wooden bridge and sipping maple syrup.

strawberry recipe for gout

Is that all it takes? I had an nasty gout attack last spring . . . it sure slowed me down on my trip to Italy. Had I known that all I needed to do was to eat strawberries I would have been a happier man. Why are we always looking for a quick band aid fix? You get gout from too much rich food, too much protein, and too much booze . . . if you want to get over the gout said items need to be cut out of one's diet. Leaving it all there AND eating a pint of strawberries just won't do it. Sorry folks.

do you discard sauce when making a sugo?

A sugo is a sauce. If you discard the sauce you'll just have a dirty pot and a hungry family.

can you recrisp up cookies that have gone soft

Hmmm . . . viagara for cookies? My advice - toss them out and bake fewer (or eat more of 'em) next time. Cookies aren't difficult to make.

why did my cheesecake not turn out right

The first thing that entered my mind was 'beause you are unable to follow a simple recipe'. I never said that I was a nice person. Since I have been studying emotional intelligence I have been working on impulse control and social responsibility (the two areas where I am, shall we say, lacking). In that spirit I thought a bit deeper . . . but the searcher gave me nothing to work with. Wat exactly is meant by 'turn out right'? Was it burnt, was it not set in the centre, did it fall, was it too sweet . . . not sweet enough . . . I am always amazed at folks who search the internet without being specific. If you want good information (or even slightly relevant information) you must be as specific as possible.

why are my taralli not light

You are asking the wrong guy here. My tarilli were as big as bagels and heavy like rocks. Seriously, they could have been used to fill potholes. They were tasty though. If you want light taralli you should ask my pal Palma, she was a genius with the taralli.

making cloth christmas tree napkins from half circle'

I thought that I knew some obsessive folks but wanting to know how to turn a half circle napkin into a Christmas tree in January is just preplanning gone out of control. Do what I do . . . bunch your napkins into a napkin ring . . no folding . . . no fuss . . . no stress needed in January.

"thanks for the time we spent together"

Is it just me but is this sad? No good can come from this.

fat man

This was just hurtful. I blame genetics. You can't fight your genes, can you . . .

Comments

[Barb Cabot]

Taralli, recrisping cookies, sugo tossing etc. all so funny. What a nice way to start my day. Really I think you should write a daily column..you are witty with just the right amount of sarcasm...a very funny read Jerry, you've got other job opportunities available if you ever want to change careers.

[Chris]

sow roasted pork?

Great post, Jerry!

[Annie]

Once again, I'm sitting in my cube trying to be quiet while I read this but this line sent me over the laugh edge:

"I have friends who are trying to not buy or use anything made in China . . . at last check they are living in a box under a wooden bridge and sipping maple syrup."

Excellent! Looking forward to next month!

[Annie]

Once again, I'm sitting in my cube trying to be quiet while I read this but this line sent me over the laugh edge:

"I have friends who are trying to not buy or use anything made in China . . . at last check they are living in a box under a wooden bridge and sipping maple syrup."

Excellent! Looking forward to next month!

[Annie]

Sorry for the duplicate, I lost my head. :)

[Karen]

I am giggling OUT LOUD. I always enjoy these monthly round-ups, but this one tops all. Your commentaries are brilliant. I agree with Barb, get a writing job -- now!
Molto Bravo.

[sandrac]

This is hilarious, Jerry -- as always. I'm left hungry, sad, and worried all at the same time. I could go for some sow-cooked pork right now, and even less-than-firm cookies would be okay.

[sandi @ the whistlestop cafe]

I look forward to this monthly post much, much more than the centerpiece of the month.
Although I bet if you were my guest writer even those centerpieces would be an exciting event!!

[cubbies]

Jerry, as always this post brings many giggles and tears of laughter. I love it!

[Chiocciola]

Hilarious! I especially like "do you discard sauce when making a sugo?" and "strawberry recipe for gout." Fabulous!

[JDeQ]

Barb - that would be one way to be sure I'd not enjoy it! LOL

Thanks Chris - people never cease to be amazing, do they?

Annie - be a good resident of cubeville!

Thanks Karen - if I need a new job, I will look . . .

Sandra - I think that worried is the operative feeling.

Sandi - I don't know, centerpieces are neck-in-neck . . . dear lord, I need a centerpiece for tomorrow! ARGH

We all need more laughter cubbies - hope that things are going well for you. We missed you in Paso.

Can you imagine discarding the sauce, Chicciola? I hope that they gave up and ordered take out!

[Gail Hecko]

Jerry, this was a brilliant piece of writing. You totally crack me up!

[JDeQ]

I'm glad that i was able to bring some more laughter to you Gail! *smile*