Social Responsibility?

Those of you who follow this nonsense on a regular basis know that I have been doing work with emotional intelligence. Part of my training involved my completing a test that gaged my own social and emotional intelligence. I've done this before so I wasn't too surprised about the results except for one area - social responsibility.

I have always figured that I am a reasonably socially responsible person - I don't own a gun . . . I have never voted conservative (EWWWW) . . . I ALWAYS vote . . . I generally obey laws (surely speed limits are a suggestion, not a law) . . . I give to charity . . . I don't litter . . . I recycle . . . See, I am not a completely horrid person.

Yet I scored lower on the social responsibility scale than a colleague who many suspect is somewhat of a psychopath (no Joanne, I am NOT referring to you. Behave!).

How can this be?

Well one reason is the questions on the stupid test. Clearly they were flawed in a way that did not allow my socially responsible nature to be truly recognized. One of the questions asked would I stop and assist a crying child. Of course I said no. If the poor tykes parents don't love her enough to keep her at their sides and assist her themselves, then why the hell should I? I envisioned an airport . . . I'm late for my plane, foolish crying child with useless parents appears in front of me . . . I can stop and assist her or make my flight . . . what would you do? Of course you'd make your flight.

A colleague suggested that the real reason is that I don't like people very much. Sadly there is some truth to this. I don't know if you've noticed but there are some very annoying folk out there. I refuse to cooperate and be socially responsible with these dolts! I am sure even Mother Teresa would have turned up her nose and gone off to save a slum instead these assorted twits herself.

If I have to be socially responsible I want it written into my contract that I do NOT have to be nice to the following folk:

• women wearing impossibly high heels who slow me down and cause me to miss my train as they inch their way down the stairs on the subway.

• people who have screaming fights with parents/kids/spouse/telemarketers/anyone over their cellphones in an enclosed space.

• people who make a nasty smell in an elevator and have the nerve to look accusingly at you as if you've sprung open a package of limburger cheese.

• people who dart in front of your car and steal your spot at the mall.

• people who insist on telling you how wonderful their kids are even when the evidence suggests that little Sue or Jason is a simple hellion.

• colleagues who bring their kid's school fund raising chocolates to the office and try and make you buy them. These chocolates shouldn't be called chocolates as they always taste like chalk. If you want me to help pay for your kid's field trip you can pay for Beckett's next visit to the vet.

• people who are thinner than a stick who complain that they are fat.

• people who complain it is impossible to shed a pound yet they are in line at McDonalds waiting for a large sack of food.

• people who select the busiest time of the day to pay 62 bills at the instant teller . . . one at a time.

• people who are mean to cats and dogs.

• people who think of the bulk food section or the fresh fruit section of the grocery store as an all-you-can-eat buffet.

• dirt bags who win the lottery when I have only won $ 89 playing the same damn numbers for 21 years!

• Dick Cheney.

• people who are mean to my friends.

• Stephen Harper and his ENTIRE cabinet. Yes, all of them!

• people who don't change their child's diaper even though irrefutable evidence is wafting about that said diaper is in desperate need of a change.

• people who finally change the diaper but then leave it on the counter in the restroom.

• people who don't flush.

• men who are unable to aim whilst standing at a urinal. I mean really, if I wanted a shower for my feet I'd hop into the shower and do it properly! Sorry, I know that that one is gross but it is really, really, really annoying.

• people who linger in the change room. Get naked, shower, dry off, get dressed, leave. That is the routine. You do NOT need to chat on your cell phone - would the person on the other end like to know that you are in a room full of sweaty, naked, old flabby guys with furry backs? Likely not.

• people who damage goods on purpose and then subsequently line up wanting a discount on the item.

• people who try to pay for their groceries in coins.

• people who insist on discussing plot, flaws, how the film differs from the book, their last date, or anything else for that matter, while in the middle of a packed movie theatre.

• people who are intolerant (yes, I do see the irony of that one).

• Those who use the bible (or any other religious Scripture) as their rational for being intolerant;

• people who condone torture. Oh, right. I already said Dick Cheney. I mean the rest of them!

• people who try and take advantage of the downtrodden.

• people who knock on my door trying to convert me.

• the nasty kid who smashed my pumpkin last year.

• people who will only eat meat that is charred to an unrecognizable black mass of carbon.

• people who think white Zinfandel is a fine wine.

• people who are too cheap to buy their own shrubbery so they nick it from their neighbour's garden.

• the annoying teen on our street who juggles with fire. The juggling always leaves such a mess on the pavement. I of course, worry that my lawn will go up in smoke.

• people who don't clean up after their dog.

• parents who allow their children to run amok in restaurants/museums/work/grocery store/anywhere.

• colleagues who won't get day care and so they bring their children to the office and set up an informal day care in the next cubicle.

• people who abuse kids.

There. I think I might be able to be nice to everyone else - if only the rubes listed above were out of my life I'd be the most socially rsponsible person out there!

Comments

[sandi @ the whistlestop cafe]

Thanks God I didn't make the list...
No~ I don't drink Zinfandal! (unless it is my only choice, and then only in moderation)

[kendall]

Bravo Jerry! I knew you had a few things on your chest. I agree with you and understand your curmugeonly thoughts, as I have the same. At least once a week I go off about the Podunk mf's(please excuse my filthy language, I know better, but don't care) I am surrounded by. Is it me,or are people being bred to be stupid?

[JDeQ]

You're safe Sandi!

Kendall - it was shocking how these things just rolled out. I feel really happy now! LOL

[Anne]

Hilarious list, Jerry! Love the shrubbery one - someone once cut down my aunt's ornamental shrub at Christmas time, presumably to use as their tree.

[Shannon]

Lots of times I don't flush! But there's a constant drought here, it's the way I was brought up. I only do it at home so don't hold it against me.

I also have a problem with the JVs coming to the door trying to recruit me but a wise soul recommended I just answer the door naked. I'm too timid but maybe you guys can try?

[Deborah]

Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!!!

This is why you are my very favorite Canadian of all time!

[Laura]

How about the woman who tries to bring six over-sized pieces of carry-on baggage (yes, six!) onto the airplane and then holds up takeoff while the crew gate checks all her crap. Naturally, this only happens when you've already endured an 11 hour transatlantic flight that day!

[nancyhol]

Jerry, that was truly hysterical! True, I know, but hysterical just the same.

I bet you feel a lot better now.....

[JDeQ]

What a fool laura - she should have been banned.

It is amazing how good one feels after letting all of ths out.

Shannon - I am not sure I feel like being arrested at this young age! LOL