A Life, Lived: The Oscars

Once again Paul and I sat back and suffered through another Oscar telecast. The Oscar's are a bit like a bad accident - you know looking at it is bad and may expose things unfit for human eyes but you are damned if you can look away.

We can't help ourselves. We've rarely seen the flicks. Generally we soon find that there are some actors we have never heard of before. Regardless, yet year after year we're here.

Last night was supposed to be the young and hip Oscars. This cemented the fact that I am neither young nor hip because I didn't get it. No, not at all.

In fact - I've heard the telecast compared to that of a bad reality show - complete with expletive laced speeches. The Oscars have come a long way since they had the look of a regal ball . . . which is fine so long as someone ensures that everyone is on the same page with what they have become. In short, someone needs to figure out just what the show is and then allow it to flow.

There were times last night when I thought I was watching the lose, booze-filled Golden Globes. In fact, had Ricky Gervais strode upon the stage I think he would have been cheered, even by the Fierstiens.

So what were the lowlights for me?

James Franco. An actor I used to admire appeared to be stoned throughout the entire telecast. Were he and Jeff Bridges sparking some weed before the telecast?
Christopher Nolan has clearly upset some academy members - give this man an Oscar already.
Hathaway (who I adore) and Franco just didn't work as hosts. They didn't come across as young and hip at all. Their humour was dry, their presenting was amateurish, and the awards lacked entertainment. Bringing back Billy Crystal for a bit just made them seem even worse by comparison. At least they didn't try and dance with a Disney hologram.
Oprah hit the ball out of the park when she presented the documentary. Class, intelligence, grace. That being said, when did she become Dolly Parton? Actually, apparently her dress designer does both Madonna and Dolly. Oprah. . .
Lots have been said about Melissa Leo dropping the f-bomb during her thank you to the Academy. I'm willing to cut her some slack though - the poor woman had just had her ass grabbed by an elderly man with a cane - that would discombobulate anyone. You wouldn't think saying the f-word was such a big deal, but in America you can hardly say 'toilet' on commercial television without getting slapped.
Since I already brought up Kirk Douglas . . . and at risk of seeming ageist . . . honest to god his bit made me uncomfortable. He leered, he patted Melissa's ass, he drooled over Anne Hathaway. It was as if he was channeling Charlie Sheen. Dirty old men aren't funny. Neither are dirty 'young' men but this ain't about Sheen.
What was up with ABC letting us know that they were going to be airing the show for the next ten years? This didn’t make me feel comforted at all.
Gwyneth Paltrow... I don't know about you, but I've had about enough of Gwyneth singing for awhile. How many shows has she sung on in the past month?! Sorry, but I really wished Jennifer Hudson would've grabbed the cane from Kirk, given Gwyneth the business end, and take over for the nasal-heavy Gwyneth (bless her heart). Having said that - she finally had a dress that fit and she looked freaking amazing in it.
Anne Hathaway’s Apache-like hoots throughout the evening were off-putting I thought. Really? No. Seriously…really? I get it . . . younger crowd . . . you're hip . . . the funny thing is that anyone I know who is in their 20 and 30s generally refrains from such foolish woo woo calls unless they are at a bar or drunk or both. Hathaway, presumably, was neither (although she did mention drinking a few times - hmmm). Enough Anne.
Matthew McConaughey and Scarlett Johansson found humor in repeating the word "sound" when they were presenting the best sound Oscar. They were the only ones. Speaking of Scarlett - whoever did her hair should be let go. Immediately.

All of this really reinforces one fact - actors read lines that others have written for them. They are not comedians. They don't do humour well as a rule. If the academy wants humour they they need to bring in comedic actors. Or Brits - Helen Mirren and Russel Brand (the pairing was a WTF moment for me but I was soon amazed) showed that actors could be classy, funny, AND smart. The Brits get this.

Enough said. I need to get back the sleep I lost last night. Since I'm not young nor hip I need my sleep.

Paul, be a dear, warm me some milk.

Before I nod off I have to give a shout out to the folks on facebook and twitter who engaged in a virtual Oscar party that was far more amusing than any live Oscar parties that I have ever been to. That, Anne and James, might not be young but it's a wee bit hip.